Hi readers, it sure has been a while. 2026 has been quite an intense year for many of us, myself included. I didn’t think that my 9-ish months would unfold in the way that they did, especially after my operation last October, and yet, here we are. While this year has had some amazing ups – the birth of my nephew, the news from my medical team that Operation Remove Hitchhiker was a success with no new squatters, there were also some lows; my mother was diagnosed with a similar but more serious brain tumor, and my status went from married to separated. I won’t go into the granular details of either for respect of privacy. Except to say – what the f*ck.

As you can imagine, I have really had to dig deep to keep myself going – not always thriving, mostly surviving -in the immediate days following each of these life events. I am grateful to have a self-love and self-worth well that is deeper than my intrusive thoughts are loud. I am thankful that my friends and family have held me through the bleakest days. I am proud that I have been able to carry myself because really, no one can carry this for me. No one can do the internal processing and holding and proceeding on in my stead. I don’t think, but know, that a younger version of me would never have believed I was capable of carrying on alone, and walking away from something familiar but irreparable. Living alone.

I think that I used to not believe in my ability to handle hard things, because I don’t think of myself as a calm, Zen-like person. But the truth is, I have been able to make decisions in life that may not have always been the fun or easy choice, but the one that was right for me. And while some days I feel like a lasagna of emotions, I know that I am on the right path, and will handle what ever direction the writers choose to take my story. Know why? I am the writer. I hold the pen. I didn’t always think this was the case, and often times assumed other people held my future in their hands, but that is not so. No one is calling “cut!” or scratching out lines to push me in another direction, and there’s some calming contentment to take from that.

I don’t know where I am going, but I know that the steps I take and path I weave belong to me, just me. It’s taking some getting used to, in not using “we” and changing to “me” or “I”. There’s no one to check with or consider before making plans, the grocery list, or deciding what to watch on TV. But those were never our issues. The biggest rewrite of my life is coming to terms with no longer being part of a pair. I don’t relish the idea of being alone long-term, but for my immediate future, that is the path before me, the direction I have chosen. In some ways, going forward alone is also allowing me the space to go back to some parts of myself that I tucked away after saying “I do”. Little bits of me that had been shelved, over time, to morph into the Missus that I was.

For many years, more than I care to admit, I thought that other people were calling my shots. That I had little agency and was forced to work within certain boundaries. The stories we tell ourselves end up being taken as truth often times. And some of my stories kept me small. Kept me in fear of being observed, judged, shamed, abandoned. But the truth is that I burdened myself by believing this fiction. And now, with my own hands holding the pen and paper, I am looking forward to the next chapter. I hope you’ll turn that page with me, reader.