Happy Spring, readers! I hope that some of you have been able to take a break from the daily unprecedented headlines and fresh terrors of this administration and smell some newly bloomed flowers or count fluffy clouds passing by. For those of you that couldn’t, I see you, deep breath, hang in there. This past week I attended a work-related webinar for HR professionals talking about the importance of belonging in the workplace. It was startling to hear some of the statistics – that our direct supervisors have more influence on our mental health than our therapist or romantic partners. That a lack of belonging and constant uncertainty can inflict physical and psychological pain. It got me reflecting on my own sense of belonging, and what relationships fill that bucket.

I feel like there are four relationship spaces that make up our spaces of connection, that impact our lives and we impact theirs: professional, romantic, familial, and platonic. At certain times in our lives, we get all of our feelings of belonging from the familial relationships, and as we enter school and make friends, we start to find our platonic and occasional romantic relationships, and once we leave primary school, we start seeking our professional relationship belonging. Some of us are fortunate that these different spaces provide us with genuine belonging, but many are not that lucky. Sometimes we miss the feelings of belonging with our family if we have different values than one another. Sometimes it’s not until later in life that we find genuine belonging among platonic friends, whereas we might change ourselves to fit the values of certain social groups. But the bottom line is that everyone deserves to find their people that give them that true sense of belonging, being accepted for who we are, not for our potential or some made-up idea of us that fits their narrative.

Of course, this is easier said than done. And because values are not always finite and unwavering, we can experience shifts in our feeling of belonging. For example, many people who were brought up in religious households may find that the values of that church and branch of religion does not align with the values they set as a young adult. Another example could be that the childhood friends that we collected through grade school value a life of posh parties, designer clothes, and luxurious houses whereas we are contented with a more modest and peaceful way of living. It can be scary, coming to the realization that the things you once found important and such a big part of your identity suddenly brings feelings of irritation and unease, physical cues that something isn’t right. It can be panic-inducing to have a conversation with your family that you don’t feel like the church you grew up attending no longer feels right to you.

On the other side of that fearful coin, it can be very liberating and fulfilling to come to the realization that you no longer belong somewhere. That you trust in yourself enough to disengage from the familiar and embark on a journey of discovery. I have personally been very fortunate to find genuine belonging in multiple friendships and in my marriage. That my belonging in my family has shifted to allow growth and development, and with my sibling. I do find some belonging in my profession, but it’s not quite as deep as other spaces. I cannot really describe the feeling of deep peace and comfort that comes from finding these people, and somehow, this unspoken question of “really, you’ll take me into your life just as I am now?” with a heartfelt yes. I feel like it is even more appreciated and welcomed when you have experienced the growing pains of departing from one person or group in search of others. It’s almost as though you feel like your soul can finally rest and begin to root.

In closing, reader, it is my wish that you recognize that if you are not currently somewhere you do feel belonging, that you will have the bravery to find it.